Strength by numbers at 4:17 PM

the stronger i get, the more i realize its not about strength. in everything.

the stronger of a climber i become, the more i see there are ways around using strength. an interview with dave graham helped me see that.

he can climb v9 in sneakers and claims hes mad weak and has weak fingers...but its all about seeing the geometry and the "various boxes".

last night i went with manuel to gravity vault. i was able to flash a bunch of v4's and v5's, as well as almost flash a couple v6/7's. i wound up not getting anything higher than v5 haha. i kept on moving from wall to wall, and then eventually i just got worn out from everything else. and really hungry.

im trying to complain a lot less, and try to eliminate powerful moves from my inventory. instead, im trying to look at the problems and really analyze them. thinking no matter what, that there HAS to be an efficient, and capable way to do every problem in the gym.

so although im trying to get stronger, im going to focus as much as i can on just climbing. and stop thinking, "oh i should work out this muscle so i can do that move in that one problem."

my etch motherboard hangboard finally came in the other day, and i got to put it up in my garage. so happy with it! and my free holds also came in the mail, not sure what im doing with them yet...

Here's a vid of the hangboard


i also realize its not about my abilities or what im capable of doing in anything in life. its about my weakness and relying on God for strength to get through hard times and relying on God to do the things i need to.

i dont have to worry about the future. i dont have to look at the future nor do i have to look at my goals as one giant monster anymore.

chuck smith last week at church really taught me the basic truth ive needed to realize. i like how his teaching always seem to be so simple... and so profound.

he said that 12 spies were sent into the promise land to scout it out, and 10 said, (super paraphrase)"oh theres giants and the walls are so high, theyll crush us like bugs" etc.

and joshua and caleb said "the land is plentiful...those giants? theyre like bread to God...the walls? come on now"

now i thought he was going to be like, "ONE WAS POSITIVE AND ONE WAS THINKING NEGATIVELY"

but thats not it.

10 were looking at it from their point of view.

2 were looking at it through God's eyes.

and before...
i kept thinking like it was all a joke
that i wasnt making progress
and i had so much work i have to do
and such little chance of anything actually working
and its all my fault for not making it happen
and like there was this big monster of work i have to complete

but joshua and caleb saw the promised land through God's eyes
the problems are minor to Him, let Him deal with the troubles

just do it

ya kno?

now i can be diligent and do it
and know i wont get stuck..
i wont rely on my strength.


one more important thing i want to say

sometimes im upset that God actually listens to me, and gives me what i want.

because i realize how stupid my wishes are. and usually it just doesnt turn out anywhere near what i thought it would.

but whats amazing is, it was all in God's plan that i would foolishly ask for these things and that He would use it to show me how stupid i am. and then make it work in His plan.

yesterday i had the weirdest experience. the weirdest feeling.

i was sitting in class surfing the web on my computer.
i saw something.

like i felt freed, like i was in bondage, like i couldnt escape, claustrophobic, happy, sad, bitter, spiteful, relieved, focused, empowered, hopeful and very very alone all at the same time.

honestly it was like a wave of these feelings all at the same time. i felt like i was going crazy

so i took a deep breath, thought about where i was. and continued paying attention to my science teacher and taking notes.

i may not be able to relate to anyone, ever. and im ok with that.

i dont need anyone that understands how i think, or how analytical/competitive/weird/motivated i am.

i really dont want to slow down. i honestly, and truely like being single. sometimes i feel like im the only one in the world that actually loves being single. theres so much i can do. so many things i can do without thinking twice.

of course there are downsides. but you learn to replace the loneliness with good things. with Godly things.

so its time to move forward. not by my strength, not by my ability, but through relying on God for strength. no person and no thing else.

ecstatic for the future = me :)