Strength by numbers at 4:17 PM

the stronger i get, the more i realize its not about strength. in everything.

the stronger of a climber i become, the more i see there are ways around using strength. an interview with dave graham helped me see that.

he can climb v9 in sneakers and claims hes mad weak and has weak fingers...but its all about seeing the geometry and the "various boxes".

last night i went with manuel to gravity vault. i was able to flash a bunch of v4's and v5's, as well as almost flash a couple v6/7's. i wound up not getting anything higher than v5 haha. i kept on moving from wall to wall, and then eventually i just got worn out from everything else. and really hungry.

im trying to complain a lot less, and try to eliminate powerful moves from my inventory. instead, im trying to look at the problems and really analyze them. thinking no matter what, that there HAS to be an efficient, and capable way to do every problem in the gym.

so although im trying to get stronger, im going to focus as much as i can on just climbing. and stop thinking, "oh i should work out this muscle so i can do that move in that one problem."

my etch motherboard hangboard finally came in the other day, and i got to put it up in my garage. so happy with it! and my free holds also came in the mail, not sure what im doing with them yet...

Here's a vid of the hangboard


i also realize its not about my abilities or what im capable of doing in anything in life. its about my weakness and relying on God for strength to get through hard times and relying on God to do the things i need to.

i dont have to worry about the future. i dont have to look at the future nor do i have to look at my goals as one giant monster anymore.

chuck smith last week at church really taught me the basic truth ive needed to realize. i like how his teaching always seem to be so simple... and so profound.

he said that 12 spies were sent into the promise land to scout it out, and 10 said, (super paraphrase)"oh theres giants and the walls are so high, theyll crush us like bugs" etc.

and joshua and caleb said "the land is plentiful...those giants? theyre like bread to God...the walls? come on now"

now i thought he was going to be like, "ONE WAS POSITIVE AND ONE WAS THINKING NEGATIVELY"

but thats not it.

10 were looking at it from their point of view.

2 were looking at it through God's eyes.

and before...
i kept thinking like it was all a joke
that i wasnt making progress
and i had so much work i have to do
and such little chance of anything actually working
and its all my fault for not making it happen
and like there was this big monster of work i have to complete

but joshua and caleb saw the promised land through God's eyes
the problems are minor to Him, let Him deal with the troubles

just do it

ya kno?

now i can be diligent and do it
and know i wont get stuck..
i wont rely on my strength.


one more important thing i want to say

sometimes im upset that God actually listens to me, and gives me what i want.

because i realize how stupid my wishes are. and usually it just doesnt turn out anywhere near what i thought it would.

but whats amazing is, it was all in God's plan that i would foolishly ask for these things and that He would use it to show me how stupid i am. and then make it work in His plan.

yesterday i had the weirdest experience. the weirdest feeling.

i was sitting in class surfing the web on my computer.
i saw something.

like i felt freed, like i was in bondage, like i couldnt escape, claustrophobic, happy, sad, bitter, spiteful, relieved, focused, empowered, hopeful and very very alone all at the same time.

honestly it was like a wave of these feelings all at the same time. i felt like i was going crazy

so i took a deep breath, thought about where i was. and continued paying attention to my science teacher and taking notes.

i may not be able to relate to anyone, ever. and im ok with that.

i dont need anyone that understands how i think, or how analytical/competitive/weird/motivated i am.

i really dont want to slow down. i honestly, and truely like being single. sometimes i feel like im the only one in the world that actually loves being single. theres so much i can do. so many things i can do without thinking twice.

of course there are downsides. but you learn to replace the loneliness with good things. with Godly things.

so its time to move forward. not by my strength, not by my ability, but through relying on God for strength. no person and no thing else.

ecstatic for the future = me :)

The Time is Now! at 7:10 AM

So lately I've been pretty desperate to propel myself forward in the right direction.

Yesterday I started school at monmouth university after my year hiatus...
Things are really looking up! I see so much potential for development in my character and abilities.

Right now I am currently sitting in the student center until my next class...I'm really hungry and want to get up to buy food but I need to write this first.

Yesterday was definitely a weird day.

It was one of those days where everything seems to fall into place.

I had a couple confirmations that now is the time for training. not just physically, but spiritually and mentally as well.

I'm not going to close my eyes anymore and be ignorant of people's progression and the world's digression.

I need to step and and start doing something about it!

On the way home from school I pulled a random cd and plopped it into my cd player, and I think it was exactly what I needed to hear, although I don't recommend that method to anyone lol

I wrote a song about how I've been feeling as of late. How I don't know what i want or what i want to do, but i can't just stay put. I need to keep moving.

You can check it out by clicking here

At night i went climbing at gsr and was able to get the caution tape v9 all the way to the second to last move: tiny two finger pocket right after the sloper, but was able to finish it from that point to the end.

last week i barely was able to make any of the moves aside from luck and hitting it just right, but today, after my POWER WEEK last week of climbing 5 days in a row, I hit the moves realll solid everytime no problem.

but then i broke my pointer finger nail and had to tape it up, which didnt help the two finger pocket move.

next week i think i actually might get it! by the end of the night i couldnt even send v2's, my forearms just gave out haha.

So anyway. I'll keep moving forward, you do the same! we'll meet again someday :)

I guess I have to go back to cali! at 9:45 AM

So this past week I climbed 5 days in a row, I guess those nutrients are working because on day 5 (yesterday) I was able to flash another v5, send a v7+ and piece the polish traverse v5 in central park

Yeah, that supposed WAY harder than v5 polish traverse lol. Its not. Some girl before was like "people work on that for YEARS." And I'm like..goodness haha..sorry.

A d00d there back when I saw it that rainy day told me hed been working it 6 months.

Its really not a big deal, its just that the feet are really rough or hard to figure out.

A guy there yesterday told me if I rested and came back I'd get it. I agree. Although I'm taking nutrients, my joints have been killing me all week again and my forearms and biceps have been real achy.

I felt pretty weak.

After this POWER wweek I think ill be a lot better and stronger.

Sunday I climbed @ gsr and went to new bruns to urban climb the bridge stone wall
Monday I climbed @ gsr for 2 n a half hours, went out to eat with my family and then came back for an hour and a half lol
Tuesday I climbed at nj rock gym flashed a v6 that felt like a v5-
Wednesday I climbed in new brunswick again for an hour and sent even higher problems that dave put up. I think that helped me a lot with my fear of heights.
Thursday like I said climbed at central park (where I lost my chalk bag :/) and then mphc for a total of 6 hours or so altogether.

I was working on this pretty nutty v7+ at the gym, it had a crimpy start with a big side dyno to a giant jug that you had to mantle on to reach a super tiny "climb it" pinch and then pull to the slopey finish. I worked on it for an hour and almost gave up in order to teach myself that I'm a horrible climber and need to get better. But manuel sent a solid v4 he was workin on and it made me go for the last 2 tries. Which is when I got it :)

I was so tired that I had to try the mantle twice while doing the ascent cuz my triceps gave out

My whole body aches today lol

7 months climbing and v7? Maybe I will get v10 in 5 more months..

Now I'm not saying I'm a v7 climber, I'm just getting a grasp on 6's, but I think and hope after this week ill be rested and strong.

I'm gonna do biceps n forearms today at the regular gym. I'm trying to do a one arm pull up, I can almost get halfway.
I'm also at 5% body fat, 7 lb.s of fat on my body.

2 yrs ago when I lifted I was @ 10.5% and the lowest previous I got was 6.5%

So things are lookin up!

And I was worried for a long time cuz I want to send v10 in a year, but I started in january, so it'll be freezing.. But!

Winter break? No school? Bishop cali?

I think so :)